My Dearest Daughter,
Life is not easy. If it is, you're probably doing it wrong. There will always be challenges and difficulties at every stage of your life, at every age, no matter how many friends you have, how wealthy you are; it's a sure thing. So it's important that you practice being kind to yourself.
That doesn't mean that you should be less kind to others. Kindness isn't a limited resource. You should indeed, really, most definitely be kind to others - as much as possible. And I trust that you will. But please, don't forget to extend that kindness onto yourself.
Now what does that mean, being kind to yourself? I've heard it a lot and seen it written with multiple iterations on many Instagram posts. But I never quite understood how to actually practice it in a way that it stuck. Not until recently. Before I had this "a-ha!" moment, I took the advice of being kind to myself by treating myself to an iced americano or taking some me-time to take a aromatherapy bath. But you see, those are physical ways of showing kindness. Where I needed to be kind to myself the most, but where I wasn't for the majority of my life, was mentally and emotionally being there for myself.
I am, used to be, no, I still am very critical of myself. I am getting better at catching it and drowning that loud voice inside me saying I'm not enough. How I'm getting better is because of that aforementioned "a-ha!" moment that I had. It's when I realized that I needed to approach and see myself as a friend. To be as kind to myself as I would a friend.
Let me break it down. First, by seeing yourself as a friend, or in other words a second party, you are able to mentally remove yourself from the situation and therefore can have a more objective POV on your situation. That settles the emotions and you're able to clearly see things for how they truly are. Second, you wouldn't negatively judge your friend just b/c they make a mistake. You would give them the benefit of the doubt b/c you know their true intentions and know they are smart, capable and good. And if they have flat spots, you wouldn't put them down for it; instead, you would help them work on it in an encouraging manner.
This has helped me a lot, and has given me more peace and confidence. Just this week, I fumbled while speaking to a large group of key stakeholders at my job. I had prepared notes but when it was my turn, I couldn't find my notes and I had to wing it. I knew that I sounded unprepared and not my usual self. In that moment, I felt like it was the worst presentation ever. But I remembered to be kind to myself. So I paused and ask myself, "What would you tell your friend in this moment if it were her?" Even before I answered, I already felt my heartbeat slowing, my shoulders lowering and my jaw loosen. It was as though a true friend was there in the room with me and had given me a reassuring hug and smile. But it was me! I was that friend. haha. Turns out, I really wasn't that bad. No one said anything, I wasn't fired, and people got my overall message.
I still have some miles to go in loving and accepting myself, but I have certainly accelerated my stride! I hope this letter gives you a leg up so you can start practicing self-kindness earlier than I.
I love you,
Mama
